Give Yourself Permission

So, I have a friend that loves to read romance books, and we didn't go into details on the specific genres she likes to read, but we talked about how reading made her feel. It relaxed her, gave her a reprieve from the duties of life. She is a wife and mother of four and like most mothers, she is pulled thin, and she is always giving and sacrificing her time for her family’s happiness.

On this particular day we discussed how much I loved to read romance, and she relayed that she too loved it but her husband being a leader in the church, commented on how he thought she didn’t need to be reading those books. I, who had heard this talk all my life from men and women alike, rolled my eyes and asked the question of why he felt that way. She told me he thought they were addictive and caused you to be unproductive and waste time. I smiled, but on the inside, my eyes were rolling to the back of my head. I thought oh here we go, another religious leader who doesn’t know jack about sue telling a woman that something that makes her happy is a waste of time and unproductive. Meanwhile, it’s okay that she is unfulfilled, overly tired and has put her every waking moment into making a home for her family. But something that is just for her is forbidden and unproductive. Right... (insert eye roll here).

Well, me being me, I told her that I thought that was hogwash. I told her that I loved romance books in all forms, and the smuttier the better. I told her that while I loved the clean Christian romance, I loved the smutty ones more, and I didn’t feel one ounce of guilt or shame about reading anything that makes me happy, relaxed and inspires me to grow and feel good about myself. I told her my reading time was mine to do with as I wanted, and no one was going to make me feel bad about allowing myself to do what I enjoy. And I added that it amazed me that married Christians who based on their belief system that they were legal and right in God's eyes didn’t take advantage of romance novels and use them as inspiration to cultivate a happy intimate sex life; meanwhile others who weren’t married were doing that and living a very happy life. I told her frankly that I thought married Christians were idiots to be looking down on something and not indulge in something that they were free to do and that was for them. Meanwhile those who they considered not legal to do it, were having a merry ole time and experiencing life in a way that enhanced their lives in wonderful ways. I told her, "make it makes sense that you being fulfilled and relaxed and happy by simply reading a book is wrong, but you being overworked, unfulfilled and grumpy is okay because your time is being used to make everyone else happy but yourself". I told my friend, you need to go read a good book, get inspired and tell your husband to come home for lunch and tell me if he refuses your advances when he gets there. Needless to say, she called me back with very happy results.

I say all that to say, give yourself permission to be you. Give yourself permission to do what makes you come alive. Don’t allow religion, your sex, your marital status, your station in life to stop you from doing something that fulfills you, makes you feel the feeling of happiness and peace. Am I telling you to abandon your duties to just sit around and read, absolutely not! But am I telling you that when you are most fulfilled, you’re then inspired and invigorated to give everyone around you the best of yourself- absolutely yes! Maybe it’s not reading, but it’s vacationing, or going to the nail shop every week, or simply eating out. Whatever it is, there is something simple, yet comforting that all of us have access to, that makes our lives feel a little better amidst the chaos. Find your happy, give yourself permission to experience your happy and own who you are in spite of the naysayers.

That day when talking to my friend, I could tell she just needed someone to say, “its okay to be you”. She just needed permission – to do and be what she knew in her heart was right for her. In this life you will always have those who think they know more about what’s best for you and sometimes depending on the situation they do, but I implore everyone to seek to know who you are through God’s eyes first instead of through another human being because when you look through God’s eyes first, you’re most likely going to find something far more beautiful in yourself than what you will find looking through the lenses of others. You will always have God's permission to be the best version of yourself. How will you know you’re on the right path? When you are absolutely and completely at peace and the happiest while doing that thing, you love to do.